Hello, my name is Steve and I’m a 45 year old addict.

My story is not unique.  Parts of my story are heard at meetings everyday somewhere in the walls of recovery.  At the age of 12, I started using pot and alcohol to mask the hurt of a bad childhood.  Using let me feel a feeling other than the hurt that I was so used to.  I found new friends, so I thought.  It’s funny, looking back now how fast those friends came and went and would continue to do so for the next 33 years.

            I started to sell pot to support my habit.  My habit grew to other things…acid, cocaine.  I would do anything that was put in front of me, remember it was the 70’s…..Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll!  I married at the age of 20 and struggled through a 14 year marriage.  Two good things did come from my marriage, a son and a daughter that I love more than life itself.  You have to remember though, I was destroying my life with my addiction and did not understand I was hurting everyone around me including the ones I deeply loved.  After a bitter divorce my use increased.

            I lead two lives.  During the day, I was Mr. Responsible Guy.  I worked, paid my bills, paid my child support and tried to be one of the “norms”.  But, by night it was a different story, it was:  Do drugs, Sell drugs and Get drunk!  I did for the most part stop drinking, but I substituted more drugs to fill that void.  My drug of choice became Meth.  This is where my insanity truly started.  I began a new relationship.  It lasted 7 years but I would not commit because of my marriage that had gone bad and the paranoia from the drugs I was using.  I destroyed this relationship by walking out on the woman I cared for the very most.  Insanity grew.  The hate I had for life grew.  I’d become my own worst enemy…an insane, drug dealing, gun carrying, biker from Hell. 

            After about three years of living like this, I tried another relationship.  This relationship ended with her death just after we had decided to move in together. 

            For the first time in my life I asked someone for help; I asked my employer of 15 years.  He gave me the phone number of the Employee Assistance Line.  I went home and called it.  The number was disconnected.  I made it through that night and went to work the next morning.  After speaking with my boss, it was discovered that our insurance carrier had discontinued the program…sorry!  It was soon after that I lost my job due to poor work performance and missing too much work.   That was the end of what sanity I had left.  I supported myself by selling a high volume of drugs for the next 4 years, until I was arrested September 17, 2003.  I really lost everything in my life.  I spent a couple of months in jail.  I found out that I had diabetes and my eye began deteriorating.  I was told had I not been arrested chances are that I would have died.   Scary!  Then one day my attorney suggested I apply into the Pottawattamie Drug court.  I said sure, in my head I thought anything has to be better than the 84 years in prison that I was facing.  I applied quickly and was accepted on December 11, 2003.
            I left jail on December 26, 2003.  I realized that I had no craving for my past life. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I entered into Zion recovery in Orient, IA for a 28 day treatment program.  For the first time in a very long time, I started putting my life into focus.  After completing their program I was accepted into The Stephen Center HERO Treatment program. 
            This is where I had my awakening!  There is a life beyond drugs and insanity!  Mike Johnson, HERO Director, welcomed me with a smile and a handshake.  He told me that if I truly wanted sobriety it was there for me in the safe walls of The Stephen Center.  Being in drug court and The Stephen Center gave me the structure to do what I could never do before on my own.  Now I know on my own I would have ended up in jail or dead.  I went to classes and meetings that taught me who I was, what I could be, and the tools for keeping my sobriety.
            Today, October 21, 2004, I am 13 months clean!  I was recently accepted to the last phase of my drug court program.  I have a sponsor and go to meetings where I have found good friends.  I live in The Stephen Center’s Transitional housing.  I volunteer a lot of time to the center.  My good friend Mike Johnson and all of the staff of The Stephen Center are there for me if I need help with anything in my life or just an ear to listen to me. 
            I thank God everyday for the blessings I have received and for being able to start a life that I really had never known existed. 
            Thank you Pottawattamie Drug Court, Zion and The Stephen Center.  Now I like myself and my life.  Now I enjoy being a father and grandfather with a gratitude for what has been given to me.
                                    Thank you!     

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