Success Story: Admitting I Need Help
My name is Sheila M. I am a mother of two wonderful children. I am an artist. I am intelligent. I am a geologist and English major. I am also divorced, a thief, a law breaker, an abuse victim, lonely, bipolar, and stubborn. I have declared bankruptcy. I have killed pets through neglect and abandoned others. I am clingy. I isolate and try to do everything by myself. I have denied offers of help. I have had two recent surgeries because I am unlucky. I have run off friends and family. But most importantly, up until the last four months, I would not admit that I am an alcoholic or an addict.
About ten months ago, I admitted I needed help. I couldn't live life without help. Even with that admittance, I still drank heavily for four more months. I abandoned my children to their father. I was embarrassed.
Then I checked myself in to the Stephen Center HERO Program. I chose the HERO Program because it wasn't just another rehab center, it also offered a dual diagnosis program, and just maybe I wasn't an addict or an alcoholic, but maybe all of my problems were caused by my bipolar diagnosis. It took me the first two months at the center to admit that all of my problems were caused by me and not outside influences.
From the first week in the center, staff has tried to make me see what they saw. I was "staffed" for having a bad attitude and for suspected drug use. I felt sure these things happened because they didn't know anything and were out to get me. They just didn’t understand me. I was being picked on.
The fact was they were offering me help and guidance. They were extremely patient with me. They were spending a lot of time showing me that how I reacted to life was a cause of my being miserable. They showed me that the outside events I was hiding behind were merely just excuses. They showed me that alcoholism is a physical disease, not just a lack of willpower. They have succeeded in showing me that my lack of self-esteem, being a "right fighter," and my extreme need for everyone to like me were the things that were feeding into my sickness and addiction.
I am proud to say that I have accepted the advice and guidance that the Stephen Center HERO Program staff has offered. As a result, I have let go of some old resentments. I have learned to recognize self-defeating behaviors, and have succeeded in changing some of those behaviors. I have found a great sponsor who is helping me find a community outside of the Stephen Center. These things are going to be instrumental in helping with my recovery.
In spite of what I once felt were negative experiences, I am extremely blessed by my time here at the Stephen Center HERO Program. I have even started looking towards today and the future and not dwelling in the past. More importantly I feel I have been given the gift of all tools needed for sobriety, the willingness to use them, and the ability to accept help when needed. Thank you to the Stephen Center HERO Program for giving me a chance to live a sober life.
